This story includes characters and plot elements from Star Trek: The Original Series, The Animated Series, Enterprise, and from the novel „Cold Wars“ by Peter David. No infringement is intended.

A Time to Live

-by Renee Roberts

“To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heavens: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pull up what is planted”

-The Bible, Ecclesiastes 3:1,2

For Sam Ugbo, my dear friend, mentor, and the big brother I’d always wished for. You will always be a part of me.

And for Brian Baker. You touched uncounted lives through your podcasts, and were a wonderful friend to all who knew you. You will always live on in our hearts and minds.

Introduction: Lt. Shiboline M’Ress was Second-Shift Communications Officer on the USS Enterprise during the latter part of its five-year mission under Captain James T. Kirk. One of the few Caitians in Star Fleet, she often felt out of place, but was very attached to her family and a few close friends. One of those friends was a lovably anachronistic lawyer and friend of Kirk’s, whom she had met at Star Base 11 while on leave after her term of service on the USS Hood. Over the years he had become a sort of elder brother figure to her, and they had remained in close touch long after she took up her duties on the Enterprise. Sadly, he suddenly passed away shortly before the events of this story. He left M’Ress a data card with a holodeck program especially for her. She carried it with her everywhere, but she hadn’t had the courage to play it yet. Not long after her friend’s death, M’Ress, and later her shipmate Lt. Cmdr. Arex, were drawn through an Iconian Gateway into the 24th century. After re–training, they were assigned to the U.S.S. Trident under Capt. Elizabeth Shelby. Arex adjusted quickly, but M’Ress still deeply grieved the loss of her friends, family and all she had known. The holodeck program was all she had left. Lt. Cmdr. Gleau had helped her upload it to the Trident’s holodeck computer, encrypting it for privacy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lt. Shiboline M’Ress

Lost in thought, Lt. Shiboline M’Ress stood in the corridor at the entrance to the holodeck. After all that had happened to her recently, making even the simplest of decisions was often a struggle… such as deciding what to do right now. A boisterous voice behind her startled her out of her reverie.

„Hey Shib! Are you going to run your holo-program? I have a racquet ball match with Hash here in a bit.“

She turned sharply, then looked down in confusion. „Sorry, Na Eth, I was just…“

Na Eth’s voice softened. „Hey, no problem, Shib, sorry for rushing you. Take as long as you need.“ His craggy orange face cracked into a smile, as his third arm patted her shoulder. „I know it’s been a lot tougher on you than on me. Let me know if you ever need to talk.“

„Thanks, I will,” she lied.

With a light „See you later!“, Arex Na Eth headed off down the corridor, seeming to glide rather than walk on his three long legs.

Shiboline wondered briefly how in the world he’d convinced Lt. Takahashi to play racquet ball with him. Then she took a deep breath to clear her head.

„Computer, initiate program M’Ress 1“.

„Program initiated, enter when ready,“ said the familiar computer voice.

„Well, at least one thing that hasn’t changed in 80 years“ she mused. „Kind of comforting, somehow.“

Entering the holodeck, she found herself in a very familiar 23rd century library. The cream coloured walls were decorated with paintings and panels in earth tones. To the right were several rows of bookcases crammed full of ancient tomes. To the left was a triangular table with a small computer terminal. Behind that table, a large window seemed to look out on the stars. The brown leather chair underneath the window was piled high with more books. In fact, the large wooden desk at the back of the room, all the other office chairs, and much of the grey carpeted floor were covered with stack after stack of books. Huddled behind the desk, as if within a fortress, sat a smallish, grey-haired man in a brown suit, scribbling furiously in an old-fashioned notebook. The surge of recognition made Shiboline catch her breath. Instinctively she also checked for the familiar scents she held so dear. Human holodeck programmers rarely got smells just right. The scent of old books that permeated the air was reasonably accurate. Presently her ears perked forward and her tail twitched as she focussed all her attention on the man behind the desk.

Here, sadly, the programmers had missed the mark completely. Or perhaps they simply had no idea that each living being has a special scent, more unique even than a fingerprint. In any case, the man simply smelled of aftershave. Granted, it was one very familiar to her, but without an underlying human scent, it held little meaning. Despite the sign on the desk that read „Samuel T. Cogley, Attorney at Law“, the figure felt like a ghost to her, or perhaps like the conglomeration of photons it actually was. In that instant, some small glimmer of… what was it exactly? Comfort? Hope? … was smothered within her. Yet this was a last message from a very dear friend, whose voice she desperately needed to hear. A friend whose pale image now looked up and smiled at her.

„Hello, Sam,“ she purred.

„Shiboline!“ He rounded the desk and skirted several piles of books to wrap her up in a brotherly hug. Willing herself to ignore the missing scent, she gently laid her head on his shoulder.

„Sam, it’s so good to hear your voice again!“

He took a step back and held her at arm’s length. „Ah, I know what you’re thinking. Let me guess, you can’t smell me, right?“

Her golden eyes widened in surprise.

„I’m a hologram, Shib. You know that.“ His grey eyes twinkled. „And so do I.“

„But… how…?“ she sputtered.

„Sam… the real Sam… he knew he was dying, Shib. Even before any symptoms showed, the doctors told him he wouldn’t have long. You’re probably asking yourself why he did this, especially since you know how much he hated computers. But you were so special to him.

“He wanted you to have something of him after he was gone, so he had this programme made. He could never figure out how to reproduce his own scent, though. I know the aftershave is no substitute, but he did pick your favourite.“

Flustered, she took a small step back. „But holographic technology wasn’t – isn’t – nearly this advanced…“

He winked mischievously, a familiar look she’d become used to. „You mean, Federation holographic technology wasn’t that advanced. But you know what Sam was like, never quite one to do things by the numbers. He had some contacts he never mentioned. The Xyrillians had about a 100-year jump on us in holographic technology.“

„Xyrillians?“

„Yes. We’ve had no official contact with them for over a century. But he managed to look up a friend of a client, who arranged all of this. I can’t tell you any more than that, because he didn’t care to include that information in my program. Lawyer-client confidentiality, you know,“ he said with a slight chuckle.

She swallowed a surge of curiosity. „I understand. But all this trouble he went through…”

Sam hugged her again and said „Only the very best was good enough for you. He wanted us to be able to talk, just as if I were him.“

She laid her head on his shoulder once more. A barely audible, yet softly plaintive mewling welled up from her throat, the Caitian equivalent of crying.

„Sam, why didn’t you tell me you were ill?“

„You had a life, Shib, a career“ he sighed. „I didn’t want you to jeopardise that to try and come back to care for me.“

A sudden surge of anger washed over her. She snapped her head up and snarled. „Sam! We were best friends! You gave me so much! Why wouldn’t you let me take care of you in return?!“

She pushed him back and half-turned away. Kicking over a pile of books, she crumpled to the floor and lay there curled up, her shoulders trembling. „I trusted you, Sam!“ she cried. „I thought we shared everything! Why did you hide this from me?!“

Knowing better than to approach her too soon, he let her trembling subside before gently kneeling down beside her. „Shib, I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you, so much! But… I was afraid. I was afraid for you, your career, but most of all, I was afraid to see you sad.

“You may think it was cowardly, or selfish, but it’s just that I cared too much to see you hurt by what I was going through. I knew I’d start acting more and more erratic. I was afraid of saying anything at all that would hurt you.“ He swallowed hard. „More than that, I was afraid of injuring you, really harming you physically. I couldn’t stand the thought that I might do that. I meant it for your own good! Shib, can you forgive me?“

She turned her head to look at him, and was surprised to see holographic tears streaming down his face. Suddenly remorseful, she sat up and put an arm around his shoulder. „Of course I do,“ she whispered. „I’m so sorry too. I was just angry because I never really had time to adjust to what was happening, or the chance to tell you… goodbye.“

Sam Cogley with his books

He helped her stand up. Moving the books off the sofa and arranging the cushions to accommodate her tail, they sat for a long while in silence.

Her mind flashed back in time to the hospital. The quiet room. The pale doctor and nurses all around, whispering. She had blocked out what they were saying, but two phrases had made it through to her consciousness. „Darnay’s Disease“ and „terminal stage“. The words had floated around in her consciousness, struggling to connect to each other, and to the wan figure on the bio-bed before her. The smells of anaesthetic, sweat, and terrible fear were assaulting her nostrils. Suddenly overwhelmed, she’d jumped and run headlong out of the room. That was not Sam there. Not the strong, caring Sam she knew! No. She could not watch him die! The next thing she knew, she’d woken in a recovery room and realised in panic that they’d given her a sedative and she’d been sleeping. They took her back to Sam, but he’d passed away just shortly before.

At the funeral, Captain Kirk had spoken so eloquently of how Sam Cogley had once defended him in court and saved his career. But all she could think of was how miserably she’d failed the best friend she’d ever had.

„Shib?“ Sam’s voice brought her out of her reverie.

„Sam, you said you were afraid to make me suffer.“ she murmured at last. He nodded. „I have to confess something too.”

Emotions overwhelmed her again and she buried her face in her paws as the words gurgled out between crying mewls. „I was too afraid to watch you die! I ran out and left you when you needed me most! I feel so horribly guilty! Can you forgive me?“

As he gently hugged her, her mewling slowly subsided. „Shib,“ he whispered. „You were the little sister I never had. I knew you’d come to me at the end. But I also knew how terribly hard it would be on you. I wish with all my heart that you hadn’t had to see me suffer. I want you to know that whatever you did or didn’t do, I forgave you long before it happened. That’s one reason I recorded this for you, so you’d know that I forgave you, and that more than anything else, I want you to be happy!“

„I miss you so much, Sam! And so much has happened to me since you passed away! I don’t know if I can make it.”

„Shib, it won’t be easy, but whatever you’re going through, you’ll make it. I know you will. I believe in you.“ Pressing her shoulder lightly, he stood up and rummaged through one of the piles of books. „I have something for you.“ He handed her a leather-bound book with gold-trimmed pages and red lettering, which she recognised immediately.

„It’s your Bible!“

„Well, a holographic version, actually. Still, I’ve found this book gives comfort and wisdom no matter how hard things may be. You’ll just need to run this programme to read it. I’ve drawn a lot of solace from this old book. Any time you want, it’ll be here.“

„Thank you, Sam!“ She hugged him. „It’ll be like old times! I’ll be back, I promise.“

„I won’t be in this program any more, Shib.“ A glimmer of hope was extinguished again.

„Why not, Sam? There’s so much more I want to tell you!“

„Shib, a hologram can only do so much. The real Sam is gone, but he’ll always be with you as long as you remember him.“

Crestfallen, she lowered her head.

„Shib, there is one thing you could do that would make the real Sam very happy.“

„What’s that?“ she asked, confused. He looked intently into her eyes. „Be the best that you can be. Don’t waste your life with regrets, or let the past trap you. Move forward. He’ll always be there watching over you, and I know you’ll make him proud. Deal?“

She thought again of how much she wanted to tell him about the time jump. How it had cost her her family, all her other friends, everyone she’d known. How very lost and alone she felt in this new century. But just as suddenly, she realised that each of her friends and family would have told her exactly the same thing. They were gone, but not forgotten, and in a way, they lived on in her. It would be tough, but she had to make it. For all of them. For Sam. For herself.

„Deal.“ she said softly.

He smiled. „Thanks, old friend,” he said. “For everything.“

„Thank you, Sam,“ she purred. Walking her to the door, he placed the Bible on the little computer table. „It’ll be right here waiting for you.“

She turned, and they hugged one last time. Stepping back, she held him at arm’s length. „Goodbye, Sam“ she purred. At that, he vanished.

She took a deep breath and looked around the library once more. „I’ll do you proud, old friend,“ she whispered. „Computer, save program, and end.“ As she turned to leave, the library dissolved around her, to reveal the plain gold-on-black holo grid.

Outside, she found Na Eth standing in the corridor and realised that she’d forgotten all about the time. „I’m so sorry, Na Eth!“

Lt. Cmdr. Arex Na Eth

„Never mind. Hash and I can play any time. I’m worried about you right now. Would you like to talk?“

She thought for a moment. „Actually, there is something I’ve been wanting to ask you. Would you teach me how to play racquet ball?“

He smiled the biggest smile she’d ever seen on him. „I thought you’d never ask!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Further reading/viewing: M’Ress and Arex join the crew of the Trident in Peter David’s New Frontier Novel “Cold Wars“. Kirk meets Sam Cogley in the Star Trek: TOS episode “Court Martial“. M’Ress first appears in the TAS episode “The Survivor“. Read her biography on Memory Beta. Dr. Ira Graves suffers from Darnay’s Disease in TNG’s “The Schizoid Man“. The Xyrillians‘ holodeck expertise is evidenced in the Enterprise episode “Unexpected” Based on that, I extrapolated that by the 23rd century, it would already have reached a level of sophistication comparable to that of the 24th century’s Vic Fontaine.