My thoughts on The Animated Series – “More Troubles, More Tribbles” by Gail Gerard

Well friends, he’s back. Episode five of the animated series, “More Troubles, More Tribbles” opens with the Enterprise taking two robotically controlled grain ships to a colony on Sherman’s Planet (who is Sherman anyway? And why does he get his own planet? Did they run out of generic science fiction sounding names?) which needs vast amounts of quadrotritcale to seed their fields so that they can produce grain and feed themselves. Suddenly, the ship veers off course to check out a Klingon battle cruiser not too far off. The Klingon battle cruiser is chasing a smaller ship of a common Federation design and Kirk wants to know why. Supposedly, the Klingons also have some kind of new weapon which, of course, bears investigating. When the Klingons start firing on the one man ship, Kirk demands that the captain of the battle cruiser identify himself. He also orders Scotty to lock onto the occupant of the smaller ship so they can pull his ass out of the fire. The Klingons, however, are slow to respond but they keep firing on the ship just the same and manage to blow it to smithereens just as Scotty plunks the lucky pilot onto the transporter pad. Unfortunately, however, it’s not good news. The occupant of the one man craft is none other than snake oil salesman non pareil Cyrano Jones. And oh goody GOODY! He’s got TRIBBLES in his pockets.

Meanwhile back on the bridge, the Klingons shoot a beam at the Enterprise and her two robot grain ships, freezing them in place. Spock surmises this ultra high powered beam, which operates a little like a tractor beam slash freeze ray, is the new weapon they’ve all heard about but never actually had a chance to see in action until now. Oh yay. Upon discovering that the tractor beam/freeze ray has left them dead in the water and virtually defenseless, Uhura quips “Well, we could always throw rocks.” in a sort of dead pan voice that made me laugh a little bit. Spock speaks with a grudging admiration of the power of this new weapon. Uhura reports a message coming in and hey! Whaddya know? It’s our old frenemy, Captain Koloth. Koloth demands that Kirk turn over the pilot of the one man craft (whom Kirk still doesn’t know is Cyarano Jones) because he’s been a naughty, naughty boy and committed “ecological sabotage”. Kirk tells Koloth to go fuck it because the pilot is a Federation citizen and therefore, he’s required to defend him no matter what shenanigans he’s been getting up to. Koloth threatens to take him by force and Kirk replies that if he does, he’s gonna have a nice new Klingon throw rug for his quarters. Koloth flippantly responds “Oh no you won’t! You’re weapons won’t woooork. Neener neener neener!”. Neithe Spock nor Uhura are amused, especially since the robot ships are shooting off course to god only knows where at this point since the tractor beam/freeze ray (let’s just call it a stasis field, mmkay?) only affects the Enterprise and not them. Fortunately, the Enterprise is able to control them JUST enough to direct them to slam into the Klingon ship in an attempt to get Koloth to let them go.

Koloth smirks when Kirk tells him he has to let him go or else and cuts Kirk off rather rudely. Kirk gives the order to bring the robot ships in to body slam Koloth’s vessel, only to find that crafty Klingon has extended his stasis field to envelop the robot ships as well. But it’s too much of a power drain and soon he has to let all three ships go. Hoshit..Koloth’s gonna get it now. Kirk’s just begging for Koloth to fire on them so he has an excuse to blow him out of the water..er..space. Koloth responds by firing on one of the grain ships and damaging it, then speeding off like a cowardly dog who’s afraid he’s gonna get fwapped with a newspaper for piddling on the carpet again. Kirk rushes down to the transporter room with Spock and McCoy to greet their visitor and the look on his face when he sees who it is is priceless. I especially love the ‘eye waving’ that goes on as Kirk remarks that he thinks he knows him. Spock, also known as Captain Obvious, says it is in fact Cyrano Jones, the scourge of the galaxy. McCoy is clearly pissed because he KNOWS he’s going to have to deal with the fallout of a bunch of horny tribbles…again.

Unlike the original tribbles, which came in a variety of shades from brown to camel to even a lovely shade of ginger, these tribbles only come in one color: bubblegum pink. I wish I knew the reason why they were all this hideous shade..maybe it has something to do with the fact that Mr. Jones swears up and down he’s managed to genetically modify them so that they are sterile. “They just get fat.” he says. And he’s brought along an odd little creature which looks like a cross between an octopus and a crab which he calls a “glommer”. The glommer is a predator who’s favorite food just happens to be tribbles. Now, we don’t get to see what happens when a glommer eats a tribble (as demonstrated by Cyrano) but, as McCoy says, “At least they’re neat.”

The Enterprise goes back to escorting the grain ships to Sherman’s planet. Kirk demands to know why the Klingons were chasing Cyrano Jones and he professes not to know. Uh huh..a likely story. Why don’t you go pull the other one now and see if I sing? Cyrano shrugs and assumes that he was being chased simply because Koloth was in a pissy mood. Spock observes (here we go again with Captain Obvious!) that the Klingons rarely attack unprovoked and they don’t wander into Federation space without a damn good reason. Kirk says they were claiming ecological sabotage and Cyrano goes all innocent. “Me? A saboteur?”. He’s not even close to being credible and Kirk knows it and is determined to get to the bottom of this. Cyrano still insists he’s innocent, that all he did was sell the Klingons some tribbles. I swear, Captain..I really truly HONESTLY didn’t know it was a Klingon planet. And I’ve got some beach front property in Arizona to sell you, too. Kirk says that he’s going to go straight the brig because he’s in violation of several Federation laws and probably his probation from the last incident with the tribbles as well. Cyrano, of course, protests. “Friend Kirk, good Kirk….” Yeah right buddy. Kirk isn’t buying that garbage for a second.

Bones takes one of the pink tribbles down to sick bay to examine it and sure enough, for once Cyrano was telling the truth. The tribble is essentially sterile, as are all the others he brought with them. And when they eat, they just get fat. REALLY fat, as it turns out. So there’s nothing to worry about except Koloth and the new Klingon weapon. Spock states that at the same time the opposing ship is paralyzed, the Klingon ship is paralyzed as well. Scotty states that it must leave them as helpless as it left the Enterprise. Spock turns to him and says “Well, duh.” Kirk muses that it must have limited capabilites to which Spock replies, “No shit, Sherlock. I wonder how long it takes them to recharge that sucker? Cuz I betcha anything as soon as they’re powered back up, they’re gonna try and freeze us again.” He also theorizes that they’re going to destroy the robot ships to keep them from pulling that same ramming trick again and that they must want Cyrano Jones very badly. This time, it’s Bones’s turn to say “Naw…REALLY?”. Even though the huckster doesn’t seem exactly like the saboteur type to..well..anyone. Least of all Bones. Kirk asks for a report on the damaged ship and Scotty replies that they’ve transferred all the grain from the damaged ship aboard the Enterprise. Whee! It’s time for a tribble pig out of massive proportions. Scotty says that with tribbles on the ship, quadrotritcale in the corridors and Klingons in the quadrant..well..your entire day is pretty much shot.

In no time at all, the tribbles discover the cannisters of quadrotriticale which is like giving chocolate to a woman with PMS. Pretty soon, they start to grow..and I mean up as well as out. They get so big the glommer can’t kill them and there’s one bit where the glommer jumps on a supersized tribble. It looks like a midget trying to ride a bull in the rodeo.

Back on the bridge, Spock reports that the Klingons are back..and they’re NOT in a good mood. They want Cyrano Jones and they want his butt now. Kirk shoves a basketball sized tribble off his chair and sits down, muttering something about “How big do these things get anyway?”. He instructs the crew to use one of the robot ships as a decoy while they attack the Klingons since their new weapon can’t control more than one ship at a time. Koloth seems to be veering off, but instead they blast the robot ship. Spock says “Oops, my bad. They weren’t leaving after all.” Fortunately, all they did was wreck the propulsion units so it’s basically adrift. The precious cargo is still intact and Spock is nearly drooling over how wonderful a marksman Koloth is. The battle cruiser comes flying at the Enterprise again and Kirk orders phasers at the ready. In case they have to, yanno, blow stuff up. Koloth fires and the shots bounce off the deflector shields like drops of water dancing in a hot frying pan. This causes the containers of quadrotriticale to burst open, what with all the bouncing around of the ship and all. The tribbles are orgasmically ecstatic with this sudden largesse and get to work gobbling it up as quickly as they can. Kirk retaliates by firing at Koloth..pew pew pew!

Unfortunately, one of the side effects of consuming all that quadrotriticale is that the tribbles grow..and grow..and grow until they are positively enormous. After Kirk fires a photon torpedo, Koloth starts taking off again. Captain Obvious..er..I mean..Spock says it was kind of weird that they didn’t use their stasis weapon and that perhaps, taking the robot ship in tow with their tractor beam, is exactly what they want the Enterprise to do. To, yanno, make it more vulnerable to attack and stuff, by limiting the amount of power they have to run away. Kirk asks if Spock has any ideas. “Well, we could always throw tribbles at them.” Wait..what? Vulcans aren’t supposed to have a sense of humor and that was almost funny. Oh hell..it WAS funny. I laughed, anyway. And again we get to see the glommer trying to wrestle down a tribble three times his size which is still funny. Or at least it is to me.

Kirk orders Cyrano Jones to get his fat butt up to the bridge, pronto and asks if Koloth is anywhere about. Which he isn’t..not within sensor range anyway. Cyrano takes the express upstairs and tries to act all cool. Spican flame gems anybody? Kirk complains the tribbles are EVERY FREAKING WHERE and security (who has the unpleasant duty of tracking the little hairballs down) can’t seem to find all of them as they scurry about the bridge. One of them, nearly as tall as Kirk and as wide around as a pillar, rolls past. Jones replies it’s not HIS fault..maybe they should get some better security personnel. Kirk reminds him he’s already in enough trouble as it is without this. Cyrano repeats that his tribbles are harmless and small. Apparently he hasn’t seen the man-sized ones yet. Kirk pushes a beach-ball sized one out of his chair and complains that these ‘harmless’ little tribbles are eating all his goddamn triticale. Cyrano is just like “aww..but they so hungwee!” and Kirk shoots back that so are the colonists on Sherman’s planet. Little tribbles may not eat much, but big ones do and they’re getting bigger by the second. He asks Cyrano if this is what the Klingons are so ticked off about just as Koloth shows back up. Bones is about to relay some interesting new information about the tribbles but Kirk cuts him off and shoves a tribble the size of a horse out of his chair and onto the deck where it squelches away, annoyed.

Kirk instructs Sulu to let the robot ship go, in case they need MOAR POWER (you can grunt, Tim Taylor fashion, to yourself at this point. I did). Mr. Arex just sits there…looking..well..Arex-y. It’s five episodes in and I don’t think other than a few lines in the second or third episode, we’ve even heard a peep out of him. What is he there for? Kirk decides to make a supplemental log entry expressing his frustration that the Koloth has forced him into a battle for custody of the irascible Jones for reasons still as yet unknown to them. Sulu shoots a photon torpedo at them, but somehow the Klingons manage to fire off their stasis field weapon in time, destroying the torpedo and capturing the Enterprise. Koloth gloats that he’s going to take control now, mmkay? “Oh no you din’t!” says Kirk. Koloth also demands Cyrano’s head on a platter and Kirk tells him that loathesome as he is, Jones is still a Federation citizen and he’s going to defend him anyway. Koloth waves his finger at Kirk (when has THAT ever been effective?) and says “Screw you. Imma take him anyway!”. Uhura closes the communications channel with pleasure and Spock asks if Kirk is going to sit down. Only he can’t because once again, his chair has been taken over by a giant tribble. Ugh.

Meanwhile, back on the Klingon ship, Koloth instructs his officer to implement boarding plan C. C is for..well..it ain’t for cookie, that’s for sure. Kirk tells Scotty to implement emergency plan B, which puzzles Scotty. But Kirk says that Spock suggested it and walks off screen. As the K lingons get ready to board, Scotty beams over a bunch of tribbles..huge ones. And the Klingons scream like little girls, which I found quite amusing. Koloth is not amused. Kirk asks him if he wants to let the Enterprise go now and Koloth calls him monotonous. Kirk grins impishly because it’s clear Koloth doesn’t yet know about the tribbles that were beamed aboard his ship, just as one comes flying at poor Koloth who facepalms and scrambles out of the way. Koloth says that the reason they’re after Jones is because he stole the glommer, which was artificially constructed to take care of the tribbles after they got out of hand and bred like crazy the last time. And they need it back…pronto. Because that’s the ONLY one they have..they need it to clone others. He insists that Jones himself isn’t really that important,b ut they MUST have the glommer back. Please please please. It’s kind of funny watching a Klingon beg that way, knowing what a proud race they are. Kirk’s like “Oh..is that all? Fine. Beam the little octocrab over.” which Scotty does. Cyrano is outraged..the glommer belongs to him according to the salvage laws of like, space. Scotty reminds him that PLANETS aren’t covered by the salvage laws but if he really wants the damn thing that bad he can always go over to the Klingon ship after it. “Uh..no. Really. They can have it.” says Cyrano, like it’s suddenly something that’s not that valuable to him after all. Or at least not valuable enough to face an entire ship full of pissed off Klingons over.

Kirk makes a note that the statis field weapon isn’t as effective as previously thought since it takes too much power to maintain. Spock notes that tribbles are a MUCH more effective weapon, which again, is almost humorous. Scotty says that whatever genetic hankypanky went into creating these non-breeding tribbles was done in a real slapdash fashion because they aren’t just ONE tribble. It’s like a whole colony of tribbles smashed together. Koloth takes the glommer and sets it to attack and a tribble big enough to fill an entire room. The gloomer, naturally, is terrified and flees. When Koloth tries to shot the thing, it explodes into hundreds of tiny little tribbles, nearly filling the ship itself, leavinig Koloth ranting about how Kirk has gotten the best of them. Again. The officer wh o fired the weapon which broke the giant tribble into hundreds of little tribbles asks if there’s anything else he can do and Koloth just glares. “Yeah..DON”T DO THAT AGAIN!”

Back on the Enterprise, Bones says the only way to make the tribbles truly “safe” is to shoot them up with some kind of ethylene gas which slows their metabolism and unless the Klingons figure that out real fast, the tribbles will take over the entire ship. Kirk spots one up a Jeffries tube that Bones seemingly forgot. But just as the good doctor says “Oh no I didn’t!” the tribble explodes into a thousand smaller ones, burying Kirk up to his neck in chirpy pink fur. Scotty says at least if they have to have the darn things, at least they’re little now and Kirk just gives him this look.

I really enjoyed this episode because we got to see two of my favorite non-regular characters, Koloth and Cyrano Jones. And of course there were the tribbles..everybody’s favorite intergalatic pet. I found myself laughing so hard at Spock’s “We could always throw tribbles at them.” line because it’s one of the few attempts at humor that the Vulcan atttempts to pull off and he does it in such a wry manner, you wonder if he’s being sarcastic. I think that “More Troubles, More Tribbles” is probably one of the better episodes of the animated series. At least so far. It’s one of my favorites, for certain.