I’ve been through reboots in the past, I know the drill. As a long-time comic book reader I was around when DC did the ultimate reboot in the ‘80s called Crisis on Infinite Earths. Basically they wiped out all the previous histories and started afresh. I was gutted, I loved the old stories and suddenly they were saying it was all meaningless. Every comic book I ever collected, all the time I’d spent enjoying the adventures and learning about the characters… it meant nothing. Of course, it took me a while to figure out that they weren’t. They were just as valid to me as always, they were just out of the picture in the new timeline. Sometimes they’d even be reinvented, and I was in on the joke every time they did.
Star Trek is the same. It’s been rebooted and revamped, and even though it may seem like every series has been wiped out except for Enterprise (oh, the cruel irony) there are still plenty of references in the new timeline that we can smile at. So maybe it’s time we thought of other ways to reinvent Star Trek with some more films…
Night of the Living Reds: First up we’ve got some horror. Every redshirt that ever died pointlessly in the line of duty has come back to life, with a need to feed on the brains of all those Starfleet Academy kids. The only way to stop them? A phaser blast to the head. As the Living Reds storm the campus there in San Francisco, a few brave cadets (led by Uhura’s Orion girl roommate Gaila) barricade themselves in and wait for rescue. As the Reds finally begin to break through, a mad dash ensues for our heroes to get to the shuttlecrafts before the Federation detonate a photon torpedo at ground zero.
The Life of Pike: For a philosophical film with flair, let’s turn our attention to the undocumented adventure of Captain Christopher Pike as a child. After a travel on a space cruiser goes wrong, he’s forced to eject in an emergency escape pod with a Klingon targ, a tribble, a cat called Spot and a Vulcan sehlat. The animals kill each other until only the Targ survives. Pike calls it “Malcolm Reed” and together they drift through space hoping to land on a hospitable Class M planet.
Pavel Chekov’s Day Off: Time for a comedy! One ensign’s struggle to take it easy. Chekov has had enough of people mocking his accent, so takes some unauthorised shore leave. Pulling in a reluctant Kirk (who steals his stepdad’s new convertible) and Uhura, they head out on a road trip full of fun! Visiting the local art gallery, going for Klingon gagh at a five-star restaurant and taking part in a parade where Pavel sings Twist and Shout are just the beginning. Unfortunately they have to avoid sneaky do-gooder Spock and overbearing Admiral Barnett, who are out to catch them in the act.
Spockman: Superhero action a go-go! After seeing his mother dying in front of him and the destruction of his home planet Vulcan, Spock hones his body and mind to even greater perfection and vows to fight injustice wherever he finds it. With a pair of modified anti-gravity rocket boots for flight and a prototype Starfleet stealth suit, he creates fear in the criminal underworld as he solves crimes and neck-pinches his enemies. However, there’s a dark force out there pulling the strings… the criminal mastermind known as Sybok.
The Ferengi Connection: Nothing beats a good crime thriller. Officers Montgomery “Scotty” Scott and Hikaru “Sulu” Sulu are called in to investigate the illegal trafficking of Romulan Ale between Ferenginar and Earth. As they set about ruthlessly smashing the illegal organisation, their brutal methods of out-drinking and out-fencing the bad guys are constantly questioned by the top brass at Starfleet. The latest shipment of Romulan Ale is the purest ever seen, and could net the Ferengis 32 million bars of gold-pressed latinum. The Ferengis attempt to assassinate Scotty but it goes wrong, with Scotty stating “I’m going to get those big-eared S.O.B.s even if it takes me the rest of my life”.
Horton Hears a Q!: Based on the beloved children’s story from Dr Seuss’s brother’s friend’s daughter’s fiancé, this animated feature is fun for the whole family. One day the friendly elephant Horton finds a dust speck and is convinced he can hear a voice coming from it. It turns out that the dust speck is really a microscopic representation of the Q Continuum, and he’s hearing the voice of Q. It turns out that there’s trouble in the Continuum, and Q’s son Little q doesn’t want to follow in his old man’s footsteps. While Horton attempts to keep the Continuum safe and has to fend off accusations of insanity, Q needs to make a plan to make the Continuum shout out in unison. Can Little q be the missing voice that will save them all?
Okay, those are just some ideas. There are also gems like From Cardassia With Love, Pretty Romulan, Monty Python’s Life Of Sisko, The French Lieutenant Kyle’s Woman, The Khan and I, The Raktajino Club, EdBorg Scissorhands, Datablanca and even The Bajoran With The Dragon Tattoo. Got any suggestions, anyone?